I looked for it everywhere. Under the sofa, in my car, in my handbag, in the kitchen, all over the house. It was simply nowhere to be found. I asked the kids to help me find it as well, and they too were unsuccessful. No one, not even me it seemed, could find my sense of humor.
I lost my sense of humor. It disappeared in the midst of all the toilet training attempts I did last week. My only guess is that it somehow fell into the potty, even if nothing else ever made it in there, and got flushed down the toilet. Because suddenly, it was gone. Nothing could make me laugh. Nothing could make me smile, and instead I was a grump and a grouch. Why did I lose my sense of humor? Toilet training did that to me.
If I set a goal, generally I MUST reach it. Of course, the wise thing would be to stop setting goals, and then I wouldn't drive myself so crazy. However, my nature does not allow that. I like setting goals and seeing if I can accomplish them. How about raising $1000 for Haiti Food Relief? Did that. (more than that.) How about seeing if I can post 12 recipes in a month on my blog. Did that. How about seeing how long I can go without going grocery shopping? (12 days was the longest.) Did that. How about toilet training Son in a week. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. MASSIVE FAIL.
And the failure, and the daily failure, and the repeated failure gnawed away at me. It must have eaten clear through my sense of humor, because suddenly, I would wake up in the morning, already dreading the endless on and off the toilets, and would negotiate with myself saying, "TODAY he will get it. TODAY he will do it. TODAY he will figure it out," only to struggle through a day of not even getting one pee into the potty. My complete inability to get Son to do what he was supposed to do in terms of his pee, made me into a complete manic mess.
In a phone conversation with girlfriend TR, when I complained to her about the nonsense, she said very calmly, "Just let it go."
"Wah? Let what go?" I asked stumped.
"The toilet training. Why are you pushing yourself so hard?"
"I HAVE to do it. I HAVE to," I declared adamantly.
"No you don't. You can't make him pee if he's not ready, so stop trying. It's not worth it."
And suddenly, I saw it. My sense of humor, hiding behind my stubbornness and ignorance. There it was,the whole time, inside, just pushed way back in an unused part of my soul.
And so, potty training, and its saga, I put it by the wayside. I'll let nature take its course a bit longer. I've kept all the paraphernalia out, the potty, the pull ups, the charts, but I'm not enforcing anything. Son is happy as a clam, not at all interested in sitting on the potty, so why stress myself out with an arbitrary goal?
Now with my sense of humor back in place and my overall outlook on life much improved, I decided instead to create a new goal - making a dairy free, egg free donut muffin. Daughters loved the Donut Muffins (aka doffins, duffins, domuffins, muffnuts) but they are completely off limits for Son. I wanted yet another breakfast item that Son and Daughters could eat together (because I hate double prep) so I decided I would figure out how to make them egg and dairy free.
I did it. It took a little bit of thought, but came together rather quickly. Instead of egg - I used my old reliable - a banana mashed. Instead of milk? How about coconut milk? And soon...recipe. I made it, Son and Daughter LOVED it - and suddenly -Goal met. Far more successful than the failure of potty training, but I'm letting that go.
**Cooking note - I am not using your regular canned coconut milk in this - I used a new product by the company So Delicious. You can find the milk I used here. (I bought it at Whole Foods.)
Dairy Free, Egg Free (Vegan) Donut Muffins
Makes between 11-12 regular muffins, and 22-24 mini muffins
3/4 cup sugar
1 banana, mashed1 1/2 cups all purpose flour1/2 cup powdered sugar (confectioners)
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 cup vegetable oil (do not be tempted to change this to butter - it will change the texture of the doffin)
3/4 cup coconut milk (which adds wonderful flavor) OR soy milk OR almond milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
Preheat oven to 350F. Lightly grease a muffin tin with cooking spray or vegetable oil. (Do not be tempted to use liners - the point of doing these directly in the muffin tin is to have them pop out and be able to get sugar to stick to the sides without the addition of butter.In a large bowl, beat together sugar and mashed banana until well incorporated. Pour in vegetable oil, coconut milk milk and vanilla extract. Mix to combine.
In a small bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon. Pour into wet mixture and stir to combine.
Divide batter evenly into 12 muffin cups, filling each about 3/4 full. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until a tester inserted into the center comes out clean.
While muffins are baking, pour confectioners sugar into a small bowl.
When muffins are done, allow them to cool for about 15 minutes. Pop them out of the pan and then roll them in confectioners sugar, coating all the sides until it is completely covered. Repeat until all muffins are done.
One for each Kid.
In case you are interested in which coconut milk I used, look here.