WAR. Full on raging war.
Before I even open my eyes in the morning, I am carefully planning the strategies that I will use to cajole Son into doing what he needs to do. Most of the violent battles are waged over the basic things in life - going to the bathroom and washing his hands. There are smaller battles but the ones that yield the greatest battle scars and bloodshed have to do with simple tasks of relieving the bladder and the hygiene that must follow. Part of the reason I need to have such long strategy sessions with myself in the morning has to do with Son's tenacity and ability to make me crazy. Most of the battles are waged as follows.
Mom: Do you need to go to the bathroom?
Son: No.
Mom: You're holding onto your crotch and jumping up and down. You need to go.
Son: No.
3 minutes later, a puddle of pee-pee on the floor.
Mom: I TOLD YOU that you needed to go to the bathroom!
Son: No. No need to go to the bathroom.
Mom: (pulling out her hair and lying on the floor away from the pee pee) FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
Battle #1 - Victory Son.
So - with some strategy and reading of parenting books came upon the next idea - do not give your child a CHANCE to answer no.
Mom: Go to the bathroom.
Son: No.
Mom: Go NOW to the bathroom.
Son: No
Mom: BATHROOM NOW.
Son: (screaming) NO!
Mom: (screaming) GO RIGHT NOW!
3 minutes later a puddle of pee pee on the floor.
Battle #2 - Victory Son
More strategy reading and planning helped me come up with this next tactic - choices. No chance to answer with a NO.
Mom: Do you want to go to the bathroom in the downstairs bathroom or the upstairs bathroom?
Son: No.
Mom: Do you want to go to the bathroom with mommy or with daddy?
Son: No.
Mom: Do you want to pee in yours pants or go to the toilet?
Son: NO. (adamantly.)
2 minutes later a pool of pee is stepped in by mommy. Perfect battle strategy.
Battle #3 - Victory Son
After more careful strategic thought and planning, I decided to battle this way.
Mom: I see you need to go to the bathroom
Son: NO!
Mom: (Grabs Son, picks him up and rams him onto the toilet) I am taking you NOW
Son: NO MOMMY! I don't like to do the pee pee!
Mom: (holding him down) You are going to go pee pee.
Son: NO!
30 seconds later, Mom is shot in the eye with pee pee as he is seated and his aim is dead on (up not down.)
Battle #4 - Tie (really Son, but can't I get some credit?)
After epic battles as such continuing for days (also imagine the similar subsequent battles over hand washing) I start craving the word YES. I just want to hear it in response to any question - just the pretense of acquiescence, compliance and obedience. I just want to hear ONE yes in the myriad of nos. So then I ask, "Do you want to have the dduhk (떡 Korean rice cake) with the honey?"
"YES," says son.
And so then I happily make it, with the false notion of a son who completely worships the ground his mother walks on.
This isn't really a recipe - it's more a product idea in case you've never seen it. This is rice cake, made with sweet rice flour, that is thick cut and then you can cook it (roast it or fry it) to make it soft, pliable and thoroughly yummy. It is often breakfast at our house, fried or toasted and then dipped in honey. Son and Daughters LOVE it and as it is so easy to prepare I'm not opposed to making it. As a note, a good rice cake will have nothing in it but the sweet rice itself. (no preservatives or salts or sugars)
What the packages looks like -this one costs about $7 at my local market (Nijiya Market or Marina Market carry it in the Bay Area)
When you open it up, this is what you find inside. Individual wrapped, hard pieces of mochi.
I open up the packages, and then toss them into a fry pan with a bit of vegetable oil over medium low heat.
Alternatively, you can stick them in the toaster oven to toast up.
Cook for a few minutes on each side, until they start getting that yummy golden brown crust. You will also notice the mochi beginning to puff up (they almost expand double in size) Eat it WARM!
Toast in the oven and get this lovely puffy crispy thing. Eat it warm!
If you're dying to hear a few yeses from your family, drizzle these with honey, or for a savory treat, dip it into soy sauce. No one will say no.
If you want to source it, most Japanese markets will carry it. I've also found it online at Asian Food Grocer.
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15 comments:
Joanne!! What perfect timing, as I am in Niseko (Japan) all winter and as you know these are sold in every super market!
We fry them and wrap in plain seaweed - yummmmm!
Will have to try your cooking ideas too :)
xx
Jacqueline
ohhh I know those battles. We just gave up and rushed my daughter to the bathroom. I love this take on rice cakes. I'm so craving this.
My son is 6 and he finds going to the bathroom a waste of time so he always waits til the last minute where he's about to spring a leak. There are times when I see him doing the "pee pee dance" and have to gently remind him to "Go to the BATHROOM!!". And then he goes and rushes out to continue what he was doing and I have to send him back to the bathroom to wash his hands. And then send him back again for not using soap. Oh the joys of parenting. :) Thanks for sharing your story!
My mom does this type of toasting/frying with old dduk (the big cynlinder rolls) and it's so yummy with the crunchy outside and soft inside. She'll sprinkle it with a little sugar but never thought of honey! Thanks for the idea!
This must be soooo frustrating for you.
With our son, the battles weren't over the potty so much as just his inability to overcome his impatience without becoming a screaming wreck....every single day. At least 5-10 times a day. This kid has a set of lungs on him too. People thought I was abusing him.
He's older now and has a better hold on his emotions and the only comfort I can give is to remind you that your son will eventually learn to go.....now whether it be tomorrow or at the age of 30? That, I can't tell you....lol.
I know it's hard to take a different tact once you've started the battle of wills but perhaps you may want to try ignoring it for a bit? Because now it sounds like it isn't about going to the potty anymore but about control. And I'm not a Choi myself but I do have Choi friends.....that stubborn streak is legendary......lol
Much good luck and patience to you!
Maybe you can bribe son into going potty in the toilet with the dduhk? just sayin...
Agree with "Me, the hubby, plus 3" (which BTW describes me perfectly) on the sending son back to the bathroom to wash hands then again to use soap. I do the smell test on hands to make sure soap was used to wash the hands.
Oh and now after having read the post want to eat some dduhk!!
Oh, Joanne! I know it's not funny, but I couldn't help laughing the way you described the 'battles.'
I first tried these rice cakes at my friend's (Korean-American like you!) on New Year's Day and we all love it! She made it with soup, with dumplings and seaweed. Yum! I'll have to try these, too.
Love your new look, btw!
I'm trying to be funny - because that is all I have left...after all the other stuff goes down, if I can't look on it with a bit of humor (especially getting shot in the eye with pee) then really - I shouldn't even bother getting out of bed....
so yes! It's funny! Laugh! Be happy!
The rice cakes sound really satisfying...I would probably opt for soy sauce over honey, but that's just me.
I have a few potty battle scars. As Joy suggested, try bribing him with his favorite treat and be consistent. M&Ms were quick and easy for us. Have the big bag of ammo ready. We experienced a few "no's" in the beginning but our son eventually took the bait. Good luck!
I seriously think we might be living parallel lives. I have 3 young ones and am Korean. Your pee in the eye story reminded me of the time I was potty training my firstborn and we happened to be at a Taco Bell when he had to GO. I had to leave my food at the table, ask the cashier to keep an eye on it, my secondborn wasn't quite standing yet, I was 6 months pregnant with #3, and I'm holding child #2 up while trying to hold #1's unit down yelling, "push it down, push it down!" I wasn't quick enough because I ended up with pee all over me and the bathroom. Definitely a low point in mommyhood. :)
Btw, an alternative to pre-made dduk, is using mochi flour and water to make your own little patties. The result is softer, but still yummy. I like them with honey, too.
Follow up - we're thinking of you today and having them as a snack today, wrapped in seaweed of course - sooo yummy & chewy!!
We eat these on new years day, but homemade ny our friends every year. But the packaged ones are good too! The best way we know how to eat them is with soya sauce and sugar. We definitely don't use a frying pan :) we put them in our toaster oven till the top is brown and crispy and soft in the middle. We mix equal amounts of sugar but add sugar to your liking. Put the crispy mochi in the sauce and press down ( smush it) into the sauce. We have lil ones at home so we cut them into bite size pieces because these can easily get stuck in their throats! Yikes! But that's why we like to cook them a little crispier because then they can bite and crunch them in their mouths!! You have to try this!
I remember the pee-pee battle days. For some reason, the words "go empty your bladder" worked better than go to the bathroom (?).
Can't wait to try the rice cakes.
Oh the joys of a little kiddo... On the other hand the rice cakes look delicious!!
Oh the frustrating potty dance! I was in the same situation the week you posted -- then a miracle. The potty training took. Now we get proud declarations that "I'm a big girl -- I'm in the dry pants club!" (Which I told her she could join by having dry pants & then I made her the club president.) M&Ms were a big help, as well as us going over-the-top with enthusiasm every time she "went". Good Luck!
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